In front of a capacity crowd of two old ladies and a kitten, Uzo of the Elite Jalapenos called the press conference to order. "Thanks for coming out. We want to put everyone's fear to bed, The Elite Jalapenos are NOT responsible for the recent salmonella outbreak.
It is widely known that jalapenos contain the chemical capsaicin which produces the burning sensation you get when consuming these peppers. Burning equals fire and fire equals heat... we all know that the way to kill bacteria like salmonella is through heat. Therefore because we bring the heat, combined with our unparalleled level of scorchosity, the salmonella bacteria could not survive, hence not originate from any member of our organization."
Uzo then proceeded to show off some pretty charts and graphs and a photo of his mother.
The two remaining members of the Elite Jalapenos (Koncept and Sphynx) could not be reached for comment. Hopefully that will change over the next few days.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Press Conference Scheduled for later this afternoon
With the CDC now shifting it's focus to jalapenos as the cause for the recent salmonella outbreak, Uzo (spokesperson and shortest member of the Elite Jalapenos arena team) announced a press conference scheduled for this afternoon.
"With headlines like 'Salmonella probe shifts to jalapenos' and 'Jalapenos may be salmonella culprit' the Elite Jalapenos feel the need to squash the fears and concerns of it's fans." Uzo said this morning before he vanished in a puff of smoke in front of reporters.
More coming... fear not Jalapenites!
"With headlines like 'Salmonella probe shifts to jalapenos' and 'Jalapenos may be salmonella culprit' the Elite Jalapenos feel the need to squash the fears and concerns of it's fans." Uzo said this morning before he vanished in a puff of smoke in front of reporters.
More coming... fear not Jalapenites!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Matches for 07-01-2008
It feels a little warm in here...
We really brought the heat this week. We managed to gather up 3 wins and drop 7. We were tired. We’ve been fighting all the way to the top for weeks now, so we took it easy on the teams we faced yesterday. Next week we’ll pull out our secret spice to add some flare to our game.
Teams Played:
1. Rice N Spam Eggs - Lost (Warrior/Druid)
2. BawlZ - Lost (Hunter/Priest)
3. Glazed holes – Lost (Mage/Rogue
4. Boricua Bros – Lost (Pally/Warrior)
5. AFK Arena Points FTW – Lost (Hunter/Druid)
6. Spinebreakers Most Hated – Lost (Rogue/Priest)
7. Team Inertia – Won (Druid/Warrior)
8. Kahmical – Lost (Pally/Mage)
9. live free or die – Won (Priest/Warlock)
10. drug inc – Won (Shaman/Warlock)
We really brought the heat this week. We managed to gather up 3 wins and drop 7. We were tired. We’ve been fighting all the way to the top for weeks now, so we took it easy on the teams we faced yesterday. Next week we’ll pull out our secret spice to add some flare to our game.
Teams Played:
1. Rice N Spam Eggs - Lost (Warrior/Druid)
2. BawlZ - Lost (Hunter/Priest)
3. Glazed holes – Lost (Mage/Rogue
4. Boricua Bros – Lost (Pally/Warrior)
5. AFK Arena Points FTW – Lost (Hunter/Druid)
6. Spinebreakers Most Hated – Lost (Rogue/Priest)
7. Team Inertia – Won (Druid/Warrior)
8. Kahmical – Lost (Pally/Mage)
9. live free or die – Won (Priest/Warlock)
10. drug inc – Won (Shaman/Warlock)
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