Legal Disclaimer -- The Elite Jalapenos are a 2 vs 2 arena team in the World of Warcraft. Any similarity to good arena teams, living or dead, is unintended and purely coincidental. The Elite Jalapenos play for entertainment value only and just want to have fun. We're in it for the gear!

Monday, August 4, 2008

New Lead in the missing Sphynx case!

Well we knew the "milk carton" trick would pay off eventually and it has with our first lead! Some information came in earlier today:

An anonymous tipster saw her walking in a daze down Gnome Avenue. Sphynx clearly was carrying the salmonella virus (in her pocket). She was mumbling something about "...he promised me he used protection!...he promised!..." Rumors believe the outbreak had caused her internet loss and a extended hiatus from WoW. More information to come as we uncover this sad tale of our once giggly priest...

Turns out the Azeroth P.D. isn't really much of an investigative unit so the Elite Jalapenos will take on the case. We'll turn over any information to the public as it comes in.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Behind the Carnage - Uzo

We at Behind the Carnage had the opportunity to sit down and chat with Uzo, infamous member of both the Elite and Electric Jalapenos, at his palacious mansion in southern Dun Morogh.  Our documentaries profile the hottest celebrities and asks the hard-hitting questions that you the public expect of a responsible news organization. Tonite's episode is exactly that, this giant of a man wrapped in a 4'9" frame has taken Azeroth by storm and caused mother's around the region to hide their daughters. Uzo waltzed in wearing a silk smoking jacket and gigantic sunglasses, puffing on a soap bubble pipe.

BTC: Thanks for taking the time out for this interview, it's exciting for both myself personally and your 12 adoring fans.

Uzo: Absolutely, anything I can do for the people... I believe we celebrities have the responsibility to make ourselves as accessible as possible. We are after all, role models for today's impressionable youth.

BTC: Speaking of "role models" I wanted to ask you about your involvement and upcoming court trial regarding the murder-prostitution-gambling-drug trafficking-mail fraud ring that has all the World (of Warcraft) up in arms. Is it true you were arrested wearing only polka dot boxers with little gnomes on them?

At this point we were asked to leave.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: Electric Jalapenos are high voltage!

The Elite Jalapenos have taken a break this week. Instead, the Electric Jalapenos were seen zapping up the competition yesterday! Please stop by and read up on all the smack down!

We shall return...oh yes...we shall...

Missing Toon Report Filed with Azeroth P.D.

Sphynx (a.k.a. Bloomie) has gone missing and the Elite Jalapeno brotherhood is frantic and worried. Officials with the Azeroth Police Department say the Elite Jalapenos have filed a Missing Toon Report and that they are actively searching for their key member who has mysteriously vanished.

"She's not under this rock." Exclaims Officer P. Dunkel Horkenmeijer after searching for a minute and a half in the outskirts of Hellfire Peninsula.

More to come on this compelling story.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Matches for 7-16-2008 (3-7)

The Ultra Dynamic Pepper Juice Extractor Supreme has malfunctioned! Uzo frantically tried to repair the device before we went into battle, but unfortunately Toshley’s was out of power converters so we couldn't fix the device in time! Oh well. Next time we will have it fixed and ready for some major extracting goodness!

Elite Forces of Arena – Lost
Newb Huntards – Lost
We Killed Kenny – Lost – No Armory Link
Swords KTnx – Lost – No Armory Link
Whats Arena – Won – No Armory Link
Woomba Death Squad – Won
Heavily Undergeared – Lost - No Armory Link
Heavily Undergeared – Won - No Armory Link
Dirty Sanchez – Lost – No Armory Link
Fearz - Lost

Matches for 7-9-2008 (6-4)

We did pretty well this week! Uzo experimented with his new engineering creation: The Ultra Dynamic Pepper Juice Extractor Supreme! Once the juice was extracted from the peppers, we carefully slathered it on our weapons and prepared for battle. The following is a result of what happened when we applied the mighty pepper juice to our weapons.

Jockeysupers – Lost
The powners – Won
The powners – Won
pwnmasters – Lost
Brutal Warlords – Lost
The Clap – Lost
Purple Monkeyz – Won
Forceful Insertion – Won
Pwned – Won
drug inc – Won

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Happy Birt-day Koncept!

We at the Elite Jalapenos would like to congratulate Koncept on this the anniversary of his birth. Feel free to kill as many horde as possible, drink irresponsibly and run around naked through Stormwind.

Happy Birthday!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Press Conference a Success!

In front of a capacity crowd of two old ladies and a kitten, Uzo of the Elite Jalapenos called the press conference to order. "Thanks for coming out. We want to put everyone's fear to bed, The Elite Jalapenos are NOT responsible for the recent salmonella outbreak.

It is widely known that jalapenos contain the chemical capsaicin which produces the burning sensation you get when consuming these peppers. Burning equals fire and fire equals heat... we all know that the way to kill bacteria like salmonella is through heat. Therefore because we bring the heat, combined with our unparalleled level of scorchosity, the salmonella bacteria could not survive, hence not originate from any member of our organization."

Uzo then proceeded to show off some pretty charts and graphs and a photo of his mother.

The two remaining members of the Elite Jalapenos (Koncept and Sphynx) could not be reached for comment. Hopefully that will change over the next few days.

Press Conference Scheduled for later this afternoon

With the CDC now shifting it's focus to jalapenos as the cause for the recent salmonella outbreak, Uzo (spokesperson and shortest member of the Elite Jalapenos arena team) announced a press conference scheduled for this afternoon.

"With headlines like 'Salmonella probe shifts to jalapenos' and 'Jalapenos may be salmonella culprit' the Elite Jalapenos feel the need to squash the fears and concerns of it's fans." Uzo said this morning before he vanished in a puff of smoke in front of reporters.

More coming... fear not Jalapenites!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Matches for 07-01-2008

It feels a little warm in here...

We really brought the heat this week. We managed to gather up 3 wins and drop 7. We were tired. We’ve been fighting all the way to the top for weeks now, so we took it easy on the teams we faced yesterday. Next week we’ll pull out our secret spice to add some flare to our game.

Teams Played:

1. Rice N Spam Eggs - Lost (Warrior/Druid)
2. BawlZ - Lost (Hunter/Priest)
3. Glazed holes – Lost (Mage/Rogue
4. Boricua Bros – Lost (Pally/Warrior)
5. AFK Arena Points FTW – Lost (Hunter/Druid)
6. Spinebreakers Most Hated – Lost (Rogue/Priest)
7. Team Inertia – Won (Druid/Warrior)
8. Kahmical – Lost (Pally/Mage)
9. live free or die – Won (Priest/Warlock)
10. drug inc – Won (Shaman/Warlock)