In front of a capacity crowd of two old ladies and a kitten, Uzo of the Elite Jalapenos called the press conference to order. "Thanks for coming out. We want to put everyone's fear to bed, The Elite Jalapenos are NOT responsible for the recent salmonella outbreak.
It is widely known that jalapenos contain the chemical capsaicin which produces the burning sensation you get when consuming these peppers. Burning equals fire and fire equals heat... we all know that the way to kill bacteria like salmonella is through heat. Therefore because we bring the heat, combined with our unparalleled level of scorchosity, the salmonella bacteria could not survive, hence not originate from any member of our organization."
Uzo then proceeded to show off some pretty charts and graphs and a photo of his mother.
The two remaining members of the Elite Jalapenos (Koncept and Sphynx) could not be reached for comment. Hopefully that will change over the next few days.
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2 comments:
As lead speech writer for Uzo I feel that his press conference was thoroughly adequate, however I am not yet convinced that the kitten in the crowd was not a spy from an opposing tomato based arena team.
Sincerely,
Cornelius Reginald Thoogmeister III
I think salmon (male or female) and jalapenos go well together. The picture of your Mom was also fantastic. Keep up the good work.
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